Getting up to date..

So it's almost been a month since my last post.. I really wish I was better at this thing. ;)
It's been birthday month in our home. Grace turned 6 on October 24th, Mike turned 30 on November 6th, and I just turned 27 on the 21st.

So for Gracie's birthday I threw her first friend party. We did a princess pizza party. It was a blast! I made home made pizza, all the girls dressed in their prettiest princess gowns, and we played some fun games. My home has never been so noisy and crazy but Grace had a blast! and I had so much fun with my good friend who came to help and my niece in law (who is more of a sister to me). Seriously couldn't have made it through without them! hahaha ;)

 We picked Gracie up from school, when she saw us, she ran, it was pretty cute! It was a nice surprise for her. :) I had also made some yummy sprinkle cupcakes with pink frosting for her class.

 Here we are singing to the birthday girl :)

 Super excited about all the presents she got from her bestest friends. :)

 The kids played a donut eating game.. it was pretty much a tie since their little bellies couldn't handle all the sugar from after eating cake, but it was fun and we all had a good laugh.

 

Here is my niece jumping for the donut! It was sooo funny!

 

 And this lady who pulled the party all off.. super tired and ready to soak in a hot bath afterwards. I see this picture and am amazed how losing 10lbs makes a huge difference in my face. This was 10lbs ago! I've lost nearly 20 since September. I still have some lbs to lose but it's nice knowing I'll never look that round again! ;)

After the friend party, we held a family party with all of Mike's family out here.

 Here is Michael and his cousin playing the ninja turtle video game on the Nintendo DS (we're old school)

 The beautiful birthday girl!

 My niece and her Finance.. she is more like a sister to me as well. Since we are only a day apart. ;)

 Grandma and Grandpa "chickens" They got her a Barbie makeup kit, and she loves it!

 Gracie and her ne Jasmine dress that her Aunt and two cousins got her.

 Giving her Aunt a big hug

 Gracie doing her Cousin's makeup.. although we call her auntie as well. These girls my age, so they feel more like sisters. :)

 She is so sweet to Grace and so patient. She'll make a great mommy some day, whenever that happens! ;)

Here are pics from Mike's birthday. We did something more laid back since mike was sick on his birthday. I made one of his favorite meals (Danish tacos) it's pretty much Navajo tacos. It was really good.. actually it was Navajo  tacos since I didn't do the dough right to make them Danish. For his cake he loves PB and Cheesecake, so I made a PB cheesecake brownies, with Reece's PB cups.

 Michael helping blow out the candles, except Mike brought the candle to him, since Michael tends to spit when he blows. haha

 Mike with this special lady who brought him into this world. :)

Other things that have been going on.. My dear friend Sister Goble (the blonde) got transferred, she only had a few weeks left anyways, but I miss her. She was a sister to me.. no pun intended. I am looking forward to visiting her when I go to Utah to see my family.

We also celebrated Halloween, Mike and I were rain clouds. We dressed in grey and wore white fluff around us and had little bitty water guns in our pockets and whenever someone asked us what we were, we would squirt them with water and tell them we were "rain clouds." It was a lot of fun, but here is Mike dressed in his sister's costume as Elvis, It fitted him a little better around the head then it did his sister and we had a big laugh over that.. here is the two compared.

 Pretty funny!!

 Mike and Abigail getting ready for trick or treating in our neighborhood.

 the kids and their friends, I blacked out some of the faces, since I am not sure if their parents want their kids faces put on my blog. but they were all making silly faces. :)

Anyways we had a busy month. Lot's of birthdays and holiday's to celebrate and more coming up. We celebrated my birthday this week. I didn't get pictures since I am the "photographer" in this house. But we had fun! Mike's boss is the best and as a birthday gift to me, let Mike off work early to celebrate with me. He also surprised me and took me out to dinner with two of our good old friends at Red Robin. It was a nice surprise and we had sooo much fun! We had fun reminiscing and laughing. Mike's sister watched our kids, and so when we went to pick them up we had cheesecake and they sang and I blew out my candles. We had some good conversation and then we went home. Mike and I put the kids down to bed and when we were headed to bed ourselves, I climbed in bed, he went downstairs and came back up a few min later with a present for me. I was really surprised! I opened it up, there was a pair of gloves, and a body scrubber for the shower.. I guess the kids picked those out.. but his gift was a certificate with different options for dance lessons. I have been wanting to learn how to ballroom dance. So he got us lessons and I get to choose the one's I want...but it's not just a one time thing, we are going once a week and learning until we are awesome at it. I am sooooo excited!! I love dancing and it's been a dream of mine to be able to be a pro at it. :) So that will be our date night's for a while. So this week we are going to go get me dance shoes, since this is big time.. haha. I felt so special because I also got two sweaters.. anyone who knows me well, knows that one of my favorite things are sweater. I love cozy pretty things to lounge in and keep me warm... but my favorite kind are a light pink or a light rosy pink and I love ivory. My style is very classic and romantic. So I was just stoked over those! so dance lessons on top of all that, was so nice.  I feel so grateful for all the people in my life who make me feel special and loved. I am surrounded by awesome people, our families are a big part of that!

Anyway, till next time! :)

Love, Camilla

Reminder to me..

I thought I better jot this down before the feeling quickly spirals down. After all parenting is just like a roller coaster.. you have your high's, and then you have your low's. ;)

I am grateful for my kids and to be a mom today! :) I woke up to Mike giving me a kiss and soon little Gracie kissing me too, telling me it was time to wake up and get ready for school... I had about 15 min to get her ready!! I was panicked!! I threw on my yoga pants and an over sized sweater and ran to Gracie's room, grabbed an outfit, then I ran downstairs quickly made her a PB and honey sandwich (her favorite) threw that in her lunch box with crackers and a water bottle. I can never put apple slices or carrots in her lunch because she won't eat it!! She barely even eats all her sandwich! that girl is all play and no eat. When she comes home, I have her sit down and eat the rest of her lunch while she does any school work the teacher sent home.. most day's there isn't. Mike had already fed her breakfast, so I quickly put her hair in a pony tail, put on her coat, and ran out the door! We barely made it! My favorite thing though, is when the bus pulls up and she is walking towards the door, she yells "I LOVE YOU MOM!!" and blow's a kiss. I was in this rushed feeling this morning and it had me feeling grumpy inside, but that sweet little girl reminded me of what really matters, and that is her and the relationship we are building. I don't want my kids to have more memories of me rushed and grumpy vs giving my full attention to them and being happy, even if we are running late. Worst case, I could've driven her and she would have still made it on time.

When I came home, Mike tells me how beautiful I look ( bed head and all!) haha ( think he forgot his contacts) and gives me a kiss. Another nice reminder of how blessed I am, unknown to him, I really needed that, I get so hard on myself and I don't see what he see's. Even though I know who I am, a daughter of God, there are moments when I am hard on myself and it's hard to see what other's do. There are day's when all I can see is everything I am doing wrong. Mike is one who loves to remind me of what I am not seeing.. he's biased, but I am lucky and so happy that he does see it. ;) Because he could be just be seeing Zombie Mommy and be totally justified in it. haha

After he leaves, the house is quiet, Michael and Abigail are still sleeping!! MIRACLE!! and so I lay down and rest for a sec..seriously.. a second and Michael comes to join me. We cuddle for a bit and then I hear Abigail through the monitor.. "mama.. mama..mama.." I just love the way she say's my name. It's so cute! She does it in her soft little 1 year old tone... unless she's mad.. then she is yelling in a raspy, bossy tone. haha.. So I go get her and she squeals when she see's Michael and Sunny. She gives them hugs and then she comes back to give  me a hug and a kiss. She hears her daddy doing his special whistle that he does for the kids, and she squeals again and goes running to find him. They exchange a hug and a kiss and then she is back down running to go play. Mike has to leave for work, gives me another kiss and is out the door.

That is how most mornings go, and you just get use to it and take it for granted and see nothing that special about it.. but today I reflected and woke up and saw how blessed I am. Everyday is special like this and I have sweet children who call me "mama" and a husband who calls me "sweetheart" and most days are crazy but if I had to choose a dream job, right now I think this would be it. I need to remind myself of that.. and probably as soon as this afternoon. ;)

I use to say when I was younger, that if I could be anything when I grew up, it would be a mom. It's not as glamorous as I thought it would be.. it's hard some days, it's tiring, and it never ends.. but taking that moment to look at these little one's that Heavenly Father sends for you to watch over is a huge blessing and the greatest task in the world. I get paid with slobbery kisses and messy, sticky hugs, stains on my cutest clothes, hysterical crying when I leave, eye's lit up when I walk in the door, and little voice's calling me mama and mommy.

Note to self, when I am having a bad moment, when the kids are grumpy, whiny, fighting, and screaming.. put them in their rooms and come re-read this post so I can remind myself they are actually angels too.... most, I mean some, err.. at  least half of the time! :/ haha..

6 Years!!!

Gracie turned 6 years old today! 6 years? How does time fly so fast? 2 more years and Gracie will be at an age to choose baptism, 6 more years and she will be 12, going into Young Womens.. which is a huge milestone in our church.. both of them are.. and she is almost there. I just can't believe it.

6 years ago today Mike and I were in the hospital holding our sweet tiny baby girl, and just staring at her all night long.. Thinking what a year it had been and what a surprise she was and what a gift she was now.. Grace, God's gift.

She came super quick!! Just FYI some of this might seem TMI.. ;) I want to tell her birth story.. it's not super long, because she came quick! hahaha
On October 14th I lost my plug and thought I was going into labor 2 weeks early! She wasn't due until Halloween day.. haha but I made it until the 23rd and I had a doctor's appointment that day. My doctor had swiped the membranes and said if I was ready for labor, it would happen. As soon as I left the doctor's I felt funny and felt new sensations and was a little worried for what labor would bring. It was a Thursday and that evening Mike and I went golfing with his dad.. well they golfed.. I road in the cart and Mike's dad kept trying to go over bumps..to push me into labor.. it was funny. Nothing happened.. just irregular and sporadic contractions. We ordered Teriyaki from our favorite place, enjoyed dinner with his parents and we played rummikub while my mother in law timed my contractions. They were painful but not regular, so Mike and I went home. We decided to have a slumber party in the living room. We brought out an air mattress and watched the first season of 24 all night long I had contractions the whole time and I felt these weird sensations that felt like as if Grace was scratching her way out, and I remember the last one of those hurt to the point that I let out a jump like scream. It was shocking and it came out of no where!

The next morning Mike had work and since I wasn't contracting regularly he was going to go in. We had our morning prayer together and during the prayer we both had a feeling that he needed to stay home. I didn't see why, because  labor didn't seem to be coming at any time soon.. but I had never been in labor before and didn't know what to expect.
Contraction's started getting really painful but not close enough together to take me to the hospital so I stayed put like the nurses told me to.. plus my water hadn't broken yet. By the time 10:30 am rolled around, I was in tears.. it was soooo painful. I had back labor and it felt like my back was breaking slowly. I can remember the only relief I got was hanging behind the back of our couch and squatting behind it and rolling my hips around... or taking numerous hot bath's. I even put a tennis ball between my back and the wall and rolled around to massage my back with all the force I had. At 11:00 am Mike called the Hospital to ask question's cause he was obviously worried about me and they said not to come in until contraction's have hit 3-5 min apart for 1 hour. Mine were more like 5 min here, 10 min there, 2 min here, 8 min there.. etc.. so we stayed put and I felt so discouraged. So I said a prayer and asked that if this was it.. which I was sure it was, that I my body would regulate the contractions so we could check in... and as soon and I said "amen" BOOM BAM, the contraction's came 3 min apart for 1 hour straight!

Funny side note.. during the window of time, the cable man came by to install our cable.. when he walked in, he saw quite the site! (I was clothed!!) don't worry but I was on my hands and knees swaying my hips around moaning and crying.. He said to Mike, you need to get that women to a hospital!! FAST!! haha
He hurried and installed the cable and we had made it 3 min apart for 1 hour just as he finished. SO we booked it out to the car fast! but as we got out there, I suddenly felt like I had to go number two.. but I couldn't.. and then I felt the head baring down and contractions were seriously like 30 sec apart! The hospital drive was at least 30 min from where we were living.. with traffic.. it was the middle of the day and there was a TON of traffic! and I swear we hit every red light! I was panicking! I couldn't even sit! I was holding my bum off the seat.. it felt impossible to sit down.

Once we got to the hospital, it took me a while to get it in there because every 30 sec came a new contraction and every one just kept getting stronger and longer and more painful. So I had to stop and get on all fours on the ground and breathe. Luckily a worker saw me and came running out with a wheel chair and helped me get in there quick! again, was holding my bum off the seat and just crying and breathing.. probably just like you see in the movies.. except I am not that dramatic.. I was actually pretty sweet to the nurses.. haha (I know this cause they told me what a sweet heart I was and thanked me for not yelling at them later after giving birth) lol.. but anyway.. I got checked in and they took me into the delivery room and asked me to undress and pee into a cup.. I couldn't pee.. I started to cry and told the nurse that I couldn't do it.. she told me that I was being too dramatic and to try again.. she also said that I wasn't really in labor but probably false labor since my water hadn't broken. I stood my ground and told her I really couldn't pee.. I was afraid Grace's head would come out!  So the nurse gave in and told me to go lay on the bed and she would check and see how far dilated I was. Meanwhile this is taking a while and was almost impossible to do because of what my body was going through at the moment... and any one who has given birth naturally and has felt all the stages of labor would totally understand.. it is not over exaggerated at all.. and you can't even put it into words!
Anyway.. She checked and to her surprise she see's that I am fully dilated and effaced and the head was crowning! She just started yelling for help and for a doctor. She looked at me and said "honey, you need to not push and just hold her in." I said, "okay?" and from that point forward I felt like I was having a seizure because I was being forced to lay down on my back.. which is totally uncomfortable.. and lay still while they put needles in my arm and wrist. I remember looking up at Mike and trying to breathe.. which he was doing with me.. it was so sweet.. when looking back! haha. I also remember looking down at my legs and seeing them shake really wildly as I was trying to hold myself still and trying to breathe.

Some nurses came in with papers and wanted me to sign them and then asked me if I wanted an epidural..!!?? What!!?? I just said, I don't have time!! and then it hit me!! I was going to feel everything.. and I just got sick to my stomach! Right then my sweet amazing Doctor came running in! literally!! She was out for a run when she got the page and she came running in to the room in her workout gear!  It was sooo funny! She put the scrubs on and helped get me into position and told me to push when I felt ready, and boy was I ready! ;) When I was pushing, which was really short lived.. in my adrenaline rush, I yelled out, "I FEEL THE RING OF FIRE!!!" hahahaha, My doctor and I still laugh about that when we see each other. In my defense, Mike and I had taken a Lamaze class and I thought the "ring of fire" was a medical term when reaching a certain point during delivery where everything down south is stretching and the baby's head is squeezing out.. TMI? :/ anyways I felt that happening and I yelled it out for everyone to hear! hahaha, too funny!

With 3 quick pushes,  tiny little Grace made it into my arms. I was in sooo much shock! I looked over at mike and he was teary and slightly crying.. while I just looked at her with unbelief of what just happened? It was amazing!

We were sooo in love and even more in love now! I can't believe that was 6 years ago, when it feels like yesterday!
Grace is so full of life! She is sooo funny and she is a born leader. She can walk up to anyone and give them instructions and invite them to play without hesitating or feeling scared. She is take charge kind of girl. She isn't shy at all. But at the same time she is very sweet and thoughtful of other's. She doesn't have a loud voice and she doesn't always speak up. She'll just smile and play along. She is very balanced. She is beautiful and delicate. She has delicate features and a tiny body but  a strong spirit to accompany it. She is a super fast runner!! Really it's incredible! She is a great gymnast and she loves to do flips, jumps, and spins! She is fearless! She loves to sing and she loves to dance, without any training, she really is incredible! and we are so proud of her and her many talents. She loves people and she is great at showing it. She is a great friend, and a loving sister to her siblings and a great example to me on how to show love and patience and selflessness. She has always had a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. We have taught her about them and the teachings of the gospel.. but she feels it's truthfulness and she responds to it strongly. I know that she has a testimony and I know she has had it all along and that was something she was blessed with. She may be tiny in body but she is a giant in spirit among all others. Her spirit radiates in her countenance. I just love her sooo much! She is our Gracie Girl.

Today she had a princess pizza party. She got to invite a few (girl) friends to enjoy home made pizza, games and some girly stuff. They dressed in their finest princess dresses too. She had a blast and now is all tuckered out sleeping on a big air mattress with her best friend, Shi, and her cousin Peyton.
It was a long day! for me especially.. but it was sooo worth it, to see our little girl beam from ear to ear tonight. I took pictures and will post those later but I am ready for a spa day right now.. I need my feet rubbed and I need a nice hot bubble bath.

So anyway, I am headed to bed but I will leave you with this picture of me and sweet baby girl that my husband took. It captures her sweet spirit completely. :)  Warning the picture isn't at it's finest quality on the blog.. I'm a little lazy and tired right now to fix it.. so this will have to do. ;) but I love this picture because it capture's the eternal bond we have, not just here on earth but forever in eternity. We chose each other, we are friends, we are sister's and she chose me as her mother on earth. This pictures say's it all to me. Our Souls are connected deeply.

Hey everyone! Here is what we what we are up to these days.. I think it's been a couple weeks or so since my last post. I think I am starting to get better at this blogging thing?? lol!

We are working on our yard for our home that we bought in January. I LOVE our home.. it fits us perfectly! The yard has moss though. (figures.. we live in WA) So my super awesome brother in law has been spending majority of his vacation helping us landscape in trade for food. ;)
Mike and I are planting a garden with our favorite fruits and veggies. I am stoked!! but we'll see if I have a green thumb... If any of you have tips for a successful garden, PLEASE SHARE!!

Isn't Mike the most handsome man?? I think it's incredibly sexy to watch him working so hard in the yard! ;)

We also got a swing set for FREE!! seriously it is awesome and such a blessing! Gracie is amazing at tricks! She is super girl for sure! her body strength is nothing short of AMAZING!
Michael also was having so much fun jumping over the lines into the dirt! I found it really funny!
Did I mention my husband is a chef? Yep! his special is "Christmas cheese crackers!" lol!! His philosophy is if you say Christmas in front of the food, it sounds better and the kids are more likely to eat it.. and he is right! hahaha

We also bought a kiddie pool for the kids, since we are having such amazing warm weather.

Ya... we let them skinny dip. We are those parents.. lol!
Seriously though... that behind!! she is sooooo cute!!!

Can you see all that moss?? we have so much work ahead of us! but we are excited for beautiful lush grass in the end.

The only down side is all the dirt the kids track in constantly!! I sweep our floors about at least 4 times a day!

Also a new update is I have gotten my chubby butt to work! I have successfully worked out and ate healthy in my calorie range for almost 2 weeks now! I am down 7 lbs!!
I need to take my before pictures before you can't see a difference in my body shape when I take my after's.
I have been working out every morning to Jillian Michael's 6 week 6 pack. Which is not just ab work.. it's full body and it is hard! I get sooo sweaty and fatigued fast! I really like it though.
This week I have been adding more cardio every other night. I do sport drills and dance drills from an old prenatal video I have that is also no joke!

I am really excited to get back in shape! For so long I start and then I fall off the wagon because of life and I didn't make it a priority. I just decided that this needs to be like brushing my teeth. it needs to be done every day and by every day I mean 5-6 days a week.

It's weird because when I see myself, I still see the skinny, in shape and athletic Camilla looking back at me.. because I know she is in there. but then I see myself naked or I put on clothes and they don't look as good as I would like them to.. and to be honest it holds me back from wanting to be naked and that really poses a problem for the bedroom.. ;) I firmly believe that intimacy regularly between a husband and wife is important for nurturing your relationship and connecting. Sorry this subject may seem too much for a family blog? hahaha
I am actually really private about intimacy.. I joke with people, that as far as my parents know or anyone else.. I am a virgin. lol  obviously not! but I don't like to share what happens there just because it's something special between Mike and I. Not that I judge if you like to share.. I just personally feel our intimate life to be more private. but I'm not a prude.. I can joke. lol
So how this relates to fitness is that intimacy is my biggest motivator for getting back in great shape. I want to look nice not just in clothes. hahaha now I am feeling embarrassed I shared even this!! lol

Mike has also been working out hard! but his motivation for being in shape isn't the same as mine as much.. it's basketball! or sports in general. He doesn't want to be the old man out of shape before age 30.. which he hits in November. So far he has lost almost 25lbs!! I think he is looking awesome! I am so proud of him!
I want him to be healthy so that he stays around to grow old with me. ;)

Anyway, that is kind of it for now.. I guess. I'll have to get more pictures up and one's with me in them.. I tend to be the one taking the pictures. ;) I also will have to share some of my delicious healthy recipe creations that we have been making since we decided to be all healthy! don't get me wrong though.. I definitely still miss my comfort foods! ;)

For now though, hope you all have a great weekend!!

Your Friend, Camilla :)

Just a little extra to make you laugh! hahaha Poor kid!

Awwww... Spring..

Spring has come and this time of year is truly thought provoking and full of memories for me. Where to even start..

Many of you know that Mike and I were pregnant with Grace before we were married and it was this time of year we found out... 6 years ago.
It was the hardest time of my life and Mike and I had a lot of decisions to make. Those memories still haunt my thoughts every once in a while to this day especially this time of year.
I think it was hard because it was so embarrassing! I think I am going to have to warn you that this post may be long, depends on how  much I want to spill today but since I have time while the kids nap, I feel like spilling my heart out.. I just need to. ;) I do have to say though, that even though those memories were bitter to taste the outcome has been so sweet! Seriously sweeter than sugar.

I think I will start with how Mike and I met, since I have never shared that before.

It was the first week of Sept and I was working as a leasing agent for an apt complex named College Terrace and Remington apts. They were for UVU college housing. Mike was attending his 2nd year at BYU and his contract fell through and there was no more housing for men, so He was given a list of apartments that would be suitable for him to live at while he attended BYU within the permitted radius of the school. College Terrace was one of the many on the list.

It was just right after labor day and the on sight manager brought up a hand written note that said something like "thanks for returning my phone call before the weekend! I am homeless BYU student who had to sleep under a bridge and freeze to death. Call me please!"(Sarcastically) and he gave his number. Somehow we must have missed his call to schedule an appointment and he came after hours. So I called him and told him he could come at any time that day and I would show him the model apartment and if he was interested we could get the process started.

So he came in and he was definitely easy on the eyes! My manager (who was close in age with me) thought he was sooo handsome! He walked in with blue jeans, a white t-shirt, his hair blonde and tan skin, he was tall, athletic, in shape, and his eyes were light blue like the sky. He seriously looked like a dream and he just shined. His smile was so warm too.
I didn't show interest in him though because I figured since he was so handsome that he probably puffed up and would play the girls to get what he wants. (far from what he is like) but I didn't know that quite yet.
Mike says to me all the time that because I didn't show interest in him, that it made him even more interested in me. He says, that he thought I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and that I made him feel like he was just some "little college boy" hahaha, he cracks me up!
He loves to remind me about that day and how he felt. He gives me a play by play of how beautiful he thought I was, that he loved my eyes and my smile, and then he went looking to see if I had a ring on my finger. hahaha.. I think he is just trying to score brownie points.. ;)

During the walk through of the model apartment, he didn't even pay attention to the apt (or else he would have never moved in), he just kept asking me questions about myself and we got to talking and we really hit it off.
We finished the contract and he was all set to move in the next day. He even called his parents and left a voice mail (that they saved) where he told them, he found the place where he is going to live, because there is a cute office girl and he is going to take her out. ;)

He came in everyday for some reason or another to talk to me, and then after a week or so he asked me out on our first date, which was September 13th.

I was caught really off guard, since I wasn't really looking for a serious relationship. I had dated a boy in high school that I had loved and had been writing off and on while he was on his mission and I thought I would probably end up marrying him, although I wasn't quite sure if that was going to happen, because of the off writing and he had broken my heart before, so I just wasn't 100% sure, but up until that point, I had not met someone who could change my mind and heart about the other boy,

So when Mike asked me out, I thought it would be just like all other dates and that it wouldn't go anywhere. I was completely wrong! We had a great time, and I was really impressed with him. He was more than just a good looking guy. His spirit was really attractive because the light of Christ just shined in him. I loved that he served a mission because he really wanted to and because he loves and cares about other people and he was the only one who served in his large family.. not that his family isn't great, their beliefs are different, and he didn't follow that path. I wanted to marry someone who was committed to the gospel and to Jesus Christ. Even though his siblings aren't active in the church, you could tell by the way he spoke about them, that he did not judge them, that in fact he loved and respected every single one, and that was also a character trait that I fell in love with because not being active in church doesn't make you a bad person, and I love that he isn't judgmental of people.

So our first date was really nice.. he had peaked my interest, Our second date was two days later and it was a lunch date. It was a Saturday, and we had ran into each other just after I got off work. He asked me out to lunch and to go play frisby football. We grabbed some subway, we ran to my place and grabbed some more active attire, and we went to a park near BYU and he just went right up to some random group playing Frisby football and asked if we could join them. We had a blast! Mike says he started to fall for me at this point. My team lost, but he thought I made a cute loser because I didn't take things so seriously.  I thought he was a stud because I got see his athletic side. ;) seriously ladies.. what girl doesn't love to see a man in his athletic element, getting all hot and sweaty? ;)

The following day, he came over to my parents house for Navajo tacos, and that all played out by accident. We were talking on the phone while he was at church stuffing his face with plates of spaghetti after the eat and greet because he didn't go grocery shopping and he didn't want to break the Sabbath. So I told him to come over and grab dinner at my parents since we had plenty of food. I guess he wanted to see me again, since he took on meeting the big family I had!
Mike ended up staying for hours, time just flew as he and I sat on my parents couch talking, and that was where our first kiss took place.. which was accidental as well. As we talked he crept closer to me to put his arm around me. Then as I was talking he leaned in to kiss my cheek and I turned to see what he was doing, and there ya go.. first kiss! We laughed and we gave each other a better first kiss ;). When I walked Mike out to the porch when he was leaving, he couldn't stop kissing me. At one point when we was walking down to his car, he came running back up to me and kissed me again. We should have known we were in trouble! ;)

Mike said all through school the next day that he was on cloud nine and was walking around with a smile on his face all day. hahaha, so was I.

We saw each other every day for two weeks! but we hadn't talked about defining our relationship until his friends noticed how much time we were spending together, that they told him "You have a girlfriend." FYI, Mike was non committal at this time in his life. He had never had a girlfriend because in his eyes, when you commit like that, it means the next thing you are headed for is marriage. So since he wasn't ready to be married, he didn't want a girlfriend. So he talked to me about his commitment problem and we agreed to date other people. Don't get me wrong though..  I was disappointed. but you can't force someone to be at the same place as you or to feel the same as you, so I respected that he was upfront with me. I just told him, that I will not share lips with other girls, so if he is kissing another girl, I am out.

Since Mike was taking out other girls, there was another that he had kissed and he let me know. I didn't show any emotion until I got home. I had started to fall in love and I was so shocked by my emotions and surprised I felt this way so fast especially since there was another guy in the picture who I knew I could probably have a happy marriage with, but there was something about Mike that I felt connected to and knew I was going to miss if I lost him. I was so confused with what I felt and all I wanted to do was let go of my feelings for him so that I could feel peace. So I went to the temple and prayed for help and as I was sitting there I had this feeling of peace come over me and I was prompted to go to my parents house.That my step dad was awake (this was at 10 pm) and since their home was just around the corner, I went home, and sure enough there he was sitting in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. He said he couldn't sleep, so I told him everything! We laughed and cried and after wards he told me that he felt he needed to give me a father's blessing, so I let him, and I was told to be patient and to wait for Mike to come around. So I did.
2 weeks later, late at night, there was a knock at the door, so in my pj's and no makeup, I answered the door, and it was Mike. He had a beautiful bouquet of flowers and taco bell. lol and he came in and talked to me. He did this for about 2 weeks and afterwards told me he wanted to commit to a relationship with me. That 2 weeks prior he was walking around campus and every time he saw a cute girl that he might ask out, he would think, No, why am I doing this, I already know I want Camilla.  So that was the night he showed up at my door.

 We dove right in. he also was aware of my decision. That I had a previous boyfriend that was coming home, that I had been writing and that I needed to make a decision and get closure. but with every passing day, we feel head over heels and within weeks we were talking about marriage, but I needed to meet his family. On the 27th he bought me a ticket and flew me out the next day to meet his entire family.
On the way home from the airport he asked me how I would feel to become a Hondel, I knew that I would love to be married to him and I could see myself apart of the family.
So we talked more about marriage and started heading down that road, when we took a moment of kissing too far. We went to talk with our bishop and started the repentance process. We felt all would be fine since our bishop, after telling him every little thing that happened, that it was very unlikely that we would be pregnant.

We were doing great, and a couple months later we found out I was pregnant, Mike was a trooper! He handled this so well. While I sat and cried in the doctors office, he got all the information we needed for nutrition, vitamins, doctor appointments and insurance. I couldn't look at him and I was so angry with myself for getting ourselves in that position. I was just so angry with myself! Later that week there was actually a moment when I was reading my scriptures and crying on the stairs outside my apartment, that I felt the arms of an angel hold me tight, to tell me all would be just fine. I knew in that moment it would, and that I knew that angel was our little Grace.

I think one of the hardest parts of this, was though I got closure with my old relationship with the "missionary" it wasn't the best way and I wish I had done things differently. I wish I hadn't taken so long to tell the "missionary" about my relationship with Mike. I was scared and confused but yet I had my answer. In my mind I thought the "missionary" had already let me go. He wasn't writing me often, and in my heart I knew something was wrong.  I just didn't speak up when I should have and at the last minute Mike walks into my life and changes everything! I hate the idea of breaking someone's heart, I would prefer to be the dumpee. even though that stinks too. Also Mike was hurt in the process of my confusion, he thought for a moment he was going to lose me because I was so angry and confused. If I could go back and change the way I reacted, I would do it in a heart beat!

Even though Christ through the atonement heals us, there are days I regret not having the courage to tell people I had cared about, what happened. That I let my embarrassment and fear get the best of me, and resulted in me only thinking about myself and how I felt and not about how I was effecting others. Fear of breaking someone's heart, resulted in actually breaking a lot of hearts.

I have to say Mike is amazing! what a sweet and patient man he is. When all the drama was unfolding he never voiced frustration with me, but showed love and mercy towards me and when I came to him crying about everything after breaking his heart, he just held me and told me he loved me. I knew in that moment that Heavenly Father was giving me the clarity I needed to remember why I loved Mike so much.

I have learned so much. I have learned through that process why it's so important to keep the commandments God gives us and I learned the power of the Atonement. It is so important to keep the commandments because it allows the Holy Ghost to be with you, to help give you clarity and to help you make wise choices. For the Atonement, that when we do end up making a bad choice, we can repent and be forgiven not only from God and others you wrong, but to forgive yourself! and not only just for repenting and forgiving but also letting Christ take away your pain. I cried almost every night for years because I was angry with myself, so much and I was so hard on myself. I couldn't believe my behavior, it just wasn't me. I was a good girl who loved the lord and wanted to always do what is right and I made a bad decision in a weak moment and that weak moment lead to other not very good decisions.

I am so sorry for this long post that seemed so happy, and is truly happy but then ended so somber. I just have had a lot on my mind. This time of year does that, and I have never come out to tell  my feelings other than to my husband, my Heavenly Father, and our parents. I just needed to get it off my chest and write my feelings down, so thank you... if you have read this far.. I would be impressed! ;)

Have any of you ever told yourself, "if I could write a letter to me, what would I tell myself or warn myself of." This experience would have been one of them. ;) What we regret is the obvious, but at the same time, where would we be if that hadn't happened? we wouldn't have our sweet little Grace right now, and she is amazing!

 Mike and I decided to get married, and we married May 17th 2008 in the Provo Timpanogas park, and it was a beautiful day and it truly felt as if we were in the temple getting married. There was a beautiful and sweet presence there. It was small, we didn't invite many people, mainly because I was so embarrassed about the circumstance of why we were getting married so soon. but it was special, and Mike and I were so happy to be starting our life's together. Our marriage is a blessing and it was so important that we were together, and that Heavenly Father sent Grace to  make sure it happened! ;)

We are so happy! 6 years of marriage is coming up and that makes this time of year a happy one! I feel much better getting this all off my chest and I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who loves us and is aware of us and wants us to be happy. I love our Savior Jesus Christ, for sacrificing his life, so that we could repent of our dumb mistakes, and that he takes our heart ache and despair upon himself, so that we don't have to feel it anymore, or that our burdens our lightened. I just cry thinking about it all and how grateful I am to him. That someone would love me enough to carry my load of burdens and heart ache so that I can be happy and that my dumb mistakes are forgiven and remembered no more. I am so grateful!! Something for us all to remember this Month as Easter approaches. This was the true meaning of Easter. :)

Love to you all,

Your friend, Camilla